I exist as I am, that is enough

I have been thinking a lot about Walt Whitman lately. It's my birthday this weekend,

and it's a "big" one, if one can be bigger then the next in more then just a numerical sense.

I suppose this has been as good a time as any to stop and ponder things, but besides this

let me back track a little here, besides my momentous birthday, this month has been filled with drama courtesy of my female siblings, so much drama in fact the only things missing were footlights, fake blood and straight guys in tights. (OK, I added straight guys in tights cause I'd like that, but you get the picture), and this was all on top of the Bead and Button Show which no matter how much fun I have it is a big energy suck preparing for, being at and coming down from it. So I have been pretty much feeling threadbare and fragmented or the last few weeks.

At this point in my life I have figured out a few things;

1: I am not going to please everyone. I am not motivated by other people opinions since I always seem to piss them off anyway You cannot be an artist by pleasing other people

2: At some point in your life you have to own your problems, fix them, move on and shut up.

3: Your friends will have your back

4: If you can't find beauty in dirt, then you will never see the real beauty in flowers. Anyway, back to Walt Whitman. Like I said I have been thinking about him and this bit from Leaves of Grass, in particular. I think it sums up everything beautifully.

I exist as I am, that is enough.

I exist as I am, that is enough

If no other world be aware I sit content

And if each and all be aware I sit content

One world is aware, and by far the largest to me,

And that is myself.

And whether I come to my own today or in ten thousand or ten million years

I can cheerfully take it now, or with equal cheerfulness,

I can wait

Walt Whitman

Leaves of Grass

happy birthday to me

Bead and Button and Bedlum

Trying to figure out my 8 ft bead display in my 12 ft living room. (little dog not included)

OMG! I only have 3 days before I leave for Bead and Button. Of course I am nowhere near ready.

I lived with my husband for 13 years before we ever got married because I am so bad at planning things. I was lucky enough to have friends that were would-be wedding planners and they asked us if they could please plan a wedding for us, and all we had to do is show up. Well that worked for me. Unfortunately, I don't have friends that are would-be bead show planners. I have to figure all this out myself. It could take me 13 years to plan for this, but I have a deadline and I have to show up if I am in order or not.

First there is display.You want to look good, have a nice set-up and differentiate yourself from the other 9,367 vendors so that when zombie eyed bead junkies decide to go back and find your booth they can have something to remember you by. Yes people do go around asking things like "do you know where the person is that has those beads, you know the round ones that are sort of squarish with dots?'' After an afternoon of looking at bead after bead people do become disoriented and dislocated. (This is your mind on beads. Any questions?)

Then there is your stock. What to make, how many of each and in what colors and assortments.

These are big decisions along with what to wear, what to pack and what kind of wine to bring.

My house has been turned upside down as I scramble to finish everything. It looks like an episode of hoarders, but with real cool beads everywhere. I can imagine them sending in a team with shovels and masks asking me, is this bead worth keeping? Luckily I know where my 3 dogs and my daughter are and they have not been buried in the rubble, but its a good thing I have to pack up soon before they can be mummified in the wreckage.

By the way, I'll be in booth 1228, If you are at the show place stop by and say hello. I'll be the disheveled woman with the cool beads.